Anyway, I ended up in the nursery, which was the darkest room in the house at this point (around 6 AM) just walking in circles and patting her butt. She enjoyed that and would close her eyes, but every time I tried to sit down with her, her eyes would fly back open and she was instantly wide awake again! So we walked for over an hour until I felt that she was asleep enough to not pop back awake. It took me a good 15 minutes to go from sitting at the bottom of the bed to laying at the top because I was trying to be so careful of her sleeping. Didn't work - she woke up, but this time agreed to nurse and fell asleep. Only slept on and off for the next hour or two before waking up for good. Except now, at 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm wide awake, I just managed to walk her down. So she's getting her sleep...I am not!
I'm pretty sure in my sleep delirium that I've gone a bit crazy, because there's actually a part of me (note: NOT the part that is still freaked out about laboring and delivering Katie and screaming "never wanna do that again!) but another part of me that's actually already thinking about the next baby. Here's why: somehow, my mind was set up that I'd probably only have one girl, and probably only after a few boys. Maybe that's because of how I grew up, where it was me and my brother, and then years later I had three brothers and one sister - no sisters close together. So I guess I was subconsciously thinking I'd only have one girl. So I gave Katie our two favorite girl names, bought her the beginnings of the little girl room I've always wanted to make (a full Beauty and the Beast bedroom!), gave her the nickname of Belle to go with that bedroom (and hopefully she'll love the theme too) and started the snowglobe collection for her. Because these are all the things I've always wanted to do for my little girl.
Now I'm wondering, what happens if I have another girl? What if the one that we start trying for next year is a little sister for Katie? What do I do when I already used up my great ideas? I can't just lump her in with Katie's things, because I designed those things with Katie in mind, so it wouldn't be fair to just give the next one only cast offs. So this is what I do when I'm up in the middle of the night walking the baby. I think of what special things to do for the next girl, if there is one (and I so hope I get more girls! I know Bill wants a boy at some point...but i'd love for the next one to be a girl for Katie's...and admittedly my own...sake.) I've already come to the conclusion that I'd continue along the same vein as Katie - I'd give the next girl a classical princess. (I'm thinking Sleeping Beauty - that way they'd have the two "beautys" of Disney, it has a nice lullaby song in the movie, and her middle name could be Rose or something and then they'd both have princess middle names. I also contemplated Little Mermaid, but I think Sleeping Beauty goes better with Beauty and the Beast and if I would have two girl together, they'd be sharing a room - so Beauty and the Beast on one side and Sleeping Beauty on the other! Idk, maybe if a third girl would happen along, then I'd use Little Mermaid?) However, I don't know what to do about the snow globe thing, which are neat musical and pretty keepsakes...not sure what the equivelent of that would be? Anyway...
Yes, I'm even enjoying playing around with names, since if we do have a boy, he's already named. I have a couple of girl names I really like, though I don't dare bring them up to Bill yet. He likes more "normal" names I think and these aren't normal at all. They're a bit "out there" and I really want to savor them and have them as my own for a while, before watching them line up to possibly get shot. Plus anything we say now about names changes when we're in pregnancy anyway (as we discovered with Katie - we agreed to name her Katie before pregnancy, then argued for weeks over what the full version of Katie would be when we both thought we had settled it before pregnancy). It doesn't matter though, I love the names I have in my head but I'm also not sure if I see them as names for my child. Maybe names for other people's children or names for other things, but I haven't quite decided if they're "mine." Katie was always the name of my child - it just felt right. I never second guessed if I should name her Katie - it was just a given, like it was meant to be. I have to wait to find that again!
Well, back to the present after that crazy sleep deprived few paragraphs, I can't wait for Christmas with Katie. I think I said that before, but that was only based off of getting to dress her up. Today it occured to me that I get to buy her things! And her stocking that I bought last year will actually get a name on it! (I'm thinking of picking up embroidered letters and sewing them onto the stockings, since markers don't look very nice.) I had enough fun last year just shopping for dog bones and toys to fill Sophie's stocking...can't imagine how fun it'll be to shop for a baby girl!
After saying yesterday that things were going well, I went to grab Katie and change her diaper and found her belly button drowning in a small puddle of yellow goo. Of course at the sight of it I freaked out - another problem that to me, was putting Katie in danger. Anything not normal I think of as Katie being in danger and it freezes my heart and scares me to death. I wanted to take her to urgent care, even hours after it dried up, and nearly cried when Bill said we'd never make it down there on time since they were closing. So he took care of her himself and it hasn't done anything weird since. I did discover out of this that Katie likes daytime walks - and people even on the street love to say how cute she is! We hiked up to the pharmacy to get her gauze and tape for the belly button and she loved looking around and seeing everything (we usually take walks around 8-9 at night, so it's very different in the day!) I did regret not taking her little sunhat, as I spent half the walk juggling my purse and store bag with having to shield her eyes from the sun. On the way back home, she fell asleep and even stayed asleep once home and out of the sling.
Bill's home today so we're going to be working on reorganizing the house. I'm more excited about this than I should be, I think. Since all the baby stuff invaded our house, it's like the walls started closing in on us and our once very spacious rooms are now looking too much like hallways. So I'm hoping we get a lot done and get the house to look nice. I feel very much like I'm nesting - 6 weeks too late! How strange my body is!
No new pictures since yesterday (at least that I uploaded yet) so here's some that I've worked on and edited:
I'm obviously very big on old Disney movies!
On this picture are some lyrics from the lullaby I always
sing to Katie, called "Baby Mine" from Dumbo.
This is one of my favorite pictures of her:
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