Today...

I bought a thermometer yesterday. I was really praying for some good news, but instead it through me into a harsh reality. I'm not taking kindly to being in it. I loved my little dream world so full of hope. The hope balloon is pretty deflated at the moment though. I know I"m not out until the witch comes, but it feels less likely that this is my lucky month. =(  Everyone keeps saying, there's always next month. But next month is so very far away, and the thought of going through this again is hellish and painful. This TWW feels like a few eternities piled together. Two weeks has never taken so long. I just want it to be over, and have a BFP to send me back into my happy place.

 Yesterday, around mid day, I came home and took my temperature. It was 96.2, which is normal since I'm cool blooded. If you're pregnant, you should be higher than normal. So this was the first hit. However, the basal thermometer says only to take it in the morning for accurate pregnancy readings.

 Last night my dog peed on our blankets before bedtime. All night, I was frozen. I woke up early, took my temperture. It was 96.8. This depressed me further, but I was also shivering at the time so I didn't know if it counted. Of course it would be low if I'm so cold, right?

 So I went back to sleep for about 3 or 4 hours. I woke up, my first thought was to try again just out of curiousity. I figured, if it was in the 96 range, I'd stop taking my temperature and call it a loss. It was 97.9. Much higher than normal, enough to be considered a spike. But, did it count? It was late morning, I had already woken up and taken it before so I'm not sure which one to go by. The only solution is to try again tomorrow - hopefully with blankets this time.

 But what has me down, is that I figured I'd at least reach a normal person's body temperature, in the 98's, but I didn't. I don't know if 97.9 is even considered a spike or not. It's made me more doubtful, and sadder.

I pinpointed my O to CD 13, and looking over my chart, I'm sure that was my day. We BD'ed every day three days leading up to it, twice the day before, again on the day and the day after. I definitely should have had a really good chance of hitting it. It's a bit worrisome if I haven't. With my age bracket and the fact that I'm charting and making sure I'm hitting my days properly, I should statisically have raised the normal 20% chance of pregnancy up to a 50%, from the articles I read. 50% seems too high for me to fail.

 I feel like I"m taking a final in school, but with much higher consenquences.