Calmer

For the last two days, I calmed down a lot. I told myself that it's fine if I'm not pregnant this month. It's only our first month TTC. I've been trying to listen to my DH, who says it'll happen in God's timing, though that's very difficult for me to hear sometimes because I always feel like I'm racing the clock with my eight year limit.

But I felt calm, which has been a blessing. I think it I could keep this calm, I'd be okay on Friday if it happens to be a BFN on my stick. The calm did crack a little a few minutes ago. I'm watching some bad Sunday movie on tv, and the woman was holding and cuddling her little baby and was just so glad to have her. I teared up and said that I wanted that. But the shakey "must have now" feeling passed, and the calm came back. I might be able to survive this TWW after all.

 I was tear bear figurine shopping today (well, I was table shopping, but there were teddy bears there) and I saw a really adorable one I wanted to buy. Then I saw on the bottom it said "June Baby", and knew I couldn't buy it because it would hurt if I didn't have that little June baby. So I put it down a bit relucatantly, but felt okay afterwards. I'm glad to not be crying at every little baby thing now!