Happiness

It seems like I find happiness in striving for more. I live for the need to have something that's just outside of my grasp now, and making it accomplishable. I guess everyone has a dream that makes waking up in the morning a little easier, but I have to have constant goals that I strive to reach and get closer to every day.

And it's a little hard, really. I have to keep making my dreams more and more extreme. I already have all of my old dreams my reality now. I have a very loving and supportive husband who shares my same views, a dog that's the same breed I loved and wanted, a daughter that has me head over heels, my own house that I picked out, etc. So now my dreams aren't so tame. Theyre wilder and harder to catch. Like, owning my own bakery or...going to Disney.

It seems crazy to even think about visiting Disney. With 6 school loans, one income, a terrifying mortgage that we need to pay off ASAP and only a baby emergency fund, it seems a little odd to save up our pennies for something so silly as a trip to Disney. But, I have been. Literally, pennies. I've kept a jar of change for the last year. More about the jar later though.

Though it may seem silly, it's an idea that's been in my mind for two years now and I want to make it happen. Disney is literally the happiest place on earth. No joke, it's not just their slogan. I went several times for a week each time and while we ran into problems sometimes, it was never anything we couldn't laugh through. Because at Disney, it just seems like there are no problems. It's just so upbeat and happy and it forces you to get caught up in the moment and thoroughly enjoy it. I want Katie to feel that. And just like every woman deserves to get a little blue Box once in their lives, every little girl deserves to go meet the princesses that she dresses like, decorates her room like and watches over and over with a little happy, contented sigh. Katie needs to experience this as well, so I need to get her there. I could just see her wandering through Cinderella's Castle, watching the theater plays they do, running up to hug Belle while dressed just like her, wearing little Minnie ears with a crown on them, pigtails flying in the Florida breeze, splashing in the pools and water rides, bouncing on a Disney hotel bed and riding the monorail...yes, she definitely has to get there at least once!

The problem is the cost. And not just the cost for Disney. The fund that I've been saving this up for is in our Wedding and Honeymoon fund. Because this would count as our honeymoon but...with kids, because I couldn't leave them behind! The wedding however, will be a bit expensive as well, even if done as cheaply as possble. Of course we're already married, but we've always wanted to do it "right", with all of our family and friends and to be married under God, not just by law. I was going to do a cheapy wedding at the beach, but I doubt everyone would want to travel so far. My dream wedding idea is in Disney (haha) but I don't think we could afford to even find a JOP that would marry us on official Disney property, let alone do it right. I never wanted to do it in a church before, but I do now. When I think about it, it feels right to go get married in a church. However, that doesn't seem very cheap at all. Luckily, even if the wedding and honeymoon is a bit pricey, the reception wouldn't be. I can make all the food myself and have ideas for really neat decorations that I can put together cheaply but have it be very "us". I just need to find a cheap place that would hold about 50 people.

So anyway, there's one large dream that I'd like to accomplish in the next 3-4 years. To do that, I have a jar. It was my original jar, before my baby jar, my emergency fund jar, and bakery jar. And since all of our money back then went to baby and emergency funds, it became the change jar - because all we could afford to contribute was petty change I'd find laying around after Bill would have friends over, or when I'd clean out my purse, or that would lay at Bill's desk a little too long. Finally, this jar has now filled. Would have filled up faster if it wasn't for those yard sales...but it finally did. And once Bill said there was a coin star at our bank that doesn't charge us to use, I've been dying for a visit. Well, we went today.

While all the bank ladies literally flocked and squeezed into one little section from behind their desk to look at Katie, I was eagerly watching Bill pour all the coins i had collected, saved, and stared at hopefully for the last year. I had my fingers cross to at least hit $30. We ended up with $51.51. When we got home I added the $20 that I had for the fund, bringing it up to $71.51.

So...after a year (albeit, not really contributing at all aside that $20) I have a little less than 75$. Great! That could buy me an entire lace cap sleeve on a wedding dress. Or half a child's ticket to one day in Disney. But it is a start. A pretty good start for something we hadn't even paid attention to financially, that's $50 that just wasn't there before. And now we have a system, where any week we don't go into the "negatives" with our bills, groceries and gas, we get to split any money that's left over between us for "anything money". Bill is saving for a new phone to replace his stolen one. I save for holidays, crafts, my faraway dream of a bakery, and that wedding/Disney fund. Actually, I need a new pair of shoes, which will be the first thing I've spent "my" money on myself for. But since I can now only fit into a pair of sandles and it's getting so chilly out that I've needed to wear SOCKS with those sandles, it's definitely time to go winter shoe shopping.

Other dreams, btw, include things like having more children, one day getting the house spotless and keeping it close to that way, finding Bill's very lost wedding ring that I'm convinced is still in the house SOMEWHERE, selling clothing from my seamstressing, setting up a profitable online store, becoming a awesome cook, and getting a good night's sleep.

And all that I have in my life and all that I look forward to makes me very happy, if not a little antsy.

(My parents, siblings and I all standing in front of Cinderella's Castle)