Growing too fast

I'm weepy and nostalgic today.

I can't believe how fast Katie is growing. Truly, it seems to just be slipping by so fast. Each day speeds by, and this little beautiful baby that's been given to me is growing up so quickly right before my eyes. Every day she learns something new, she gets better at something, and she gets a little older. All of these days are really adding up. She's on the border of three months now. Three months! That's a pretty big milestone.

I guess I hadn't realized just how much she has changed. This morning, I was staring at her while she was sitting on me staring right back, and I thought that maybe she hadn't changed all that much. But she did. I had forgotten how tiny and new she once was. The pictures I took of her today make her look so much like a little kid instead of a little baby, especially when you compare them to her baby pictures. In fact, let's do that. Here's some of my pictures, and even a picture my mom took (which sorta helped set some of this "emotion" off. I just can't believe how much she's changed!) from when she was just a few hours old.

Notice her little wrinkly wrist skin!

Before she was bathed, and her face still swollen from it's journey out:

That was my little dinker. Now look at the pictures from just this morning, when she was happily watching Blues Clues on her own little Video Now.

That's my little Snuggles, my KatieKakes KatieKateKate Sunshine, who has such a personality, and little opinions of her own, double her birth weight already and knows how to do so much. She hardly even resembles that little helpless newborn anymore!

Ugh, I just want to hug her. I spent two hours of her crying and crabby at me because she was too tired to sleep, but part of me wants to take her out of her swing, wake her up, see her smile and just snuggle her for a while. But I'll wait.

Part of me wondered, you know, the part of me that hadn't slept in four months, has sore nipples, doesn't miss the terrible pregnancy backpain but definitely still feels that broken tailbone sometimes, and dreads months of morning sickness, if I'd be ready by April to do the whole thing over again already. After all, just this very morning I had a meltdown on Bill saying I didn't know how I was supposed to raise a whole batch of kids in this house. We'll have enough bedrooms if we pair the boys up with boys and the girls with girls, but where is my homeschooling room? Or a library room? One gender is going to have to have walk in rooms, who are we going to subject to random walk ins and no privacy? I started to wonder if it's fair to have many kids when we don't know if we'll get out of this house in time for their teenagehood when they'll need their own space.

Every other part of me, the hormonal, mostly healed, part of my brain that is working very hard to forget the hell of labor and pregnancy, is screaming YES, YES I'LL BE READY! WITH BELLS ON!

So, I'm pretty sure I'll be very ready. Because I can talk logically all I want, in the end, I want another baby and I want one close to Katie. I miss pregnancy already and I miss that newborn-ness and in six months I'll be clawing at my ovulation sheets to get it back. This house can fit 4 children comfortably, so my plan is to have those four children. At that point, I'll reevaluate the situation then and see if we should have more or not. No need for those kinds of things to talk me away from my babies-to-be now.

After all, I only have one ovary. Which means it has to tick all the louder all the time at me, because it took over the job of the other one and wants to make sure it's doing a good job. Message received, little buddy.