Tiredness is taking over my life...
I never feel well enough to be getting things done or even awake for more than a few hours at a time. There's so much strain in my body, probably because instead of exercising and stretching, I'm sleeping, and generally I sleep in a slight V shape, which isn't comfortable at all. Going anywhere outside the house is becoming so difficult because the whole time I need a nap and my back kills me. The house is suffering in looks and functionality because even though I make lists of what to do for each day, I can only get done maybe two of them finished along with making my meals.
It's making everything more stressful, and I've found that I'm steadily becoming grumpier whenever I'm taken out of the house or needing to make appointments to go out of the house. I have a huge list of things to do next week and it literally feels like it's all piled up heavily on my shoulders. All I want to do is sleep or lay down. Even dealing with just Sophie being in heat, which means I have to constantly be taking diapers on and off her and then going outside with her so she doesn't try to escape (which she has attempted to do) or that no one comes over is being a serious pain.
It's made worse by everything seemingly changing on me, my whole body feels so different. I'm wearing down already and I still have like three months to go. I'm not even very hungry anymore. I'd rather sleep than eat now, and I have to actually convince myself to get up and go make something. The only good thing right now is that the vitamins (so far) seems to be taking. I took one about twenty minutes ago and so far haven't thrown it up. Maybe my body will actually accept it. I'm hoping so, because I need all the help I can get at the moment.
It's so hard to find real sleep at night anymore, which I'm sure is really a big factor in this. I generally can only fall asleep around 1AM. I tend to fall asleep within two minutes of laying down, but I wake up around 5 AM. Usually I need to make a bathroom trip, and almost always the baby is awake and kicking hard enough to hurt and make it hard to breathe. The leg cramps also start around now, which makes me writhe in pain from both legs. After 5 AM the sleeping is hard and scarce. It's like I have to fight with myself to sleep. At 6 AM, the construction that has been going on for over a week now begins, and since they're right across the street, it's SO LOUD. The constant beeping wears on my nerves so badly and the madder I get about it, the harder it is to sleep. Sophie needs to go out around 7-8 AM right now, so I get up and let her out because generally I'm due for another bathroom trip anyway. I have to get her diaper off, put her on the chain and hold the chain at about half length because the boy dog on the other side of the fence is always out at that time. I have to plead with her to stop trying to get his attention and actually go potty. Once she finally does, I put the diaper back on and get her back in the bedroom. But then she's all energetic and barks and runs around (I've decided now that she'll have to start going in her cage at this point because she also breaks out of the room if we don't pay attention to her. She's being terrible while in heat!) When I finally go back to sleep, it's bright out, the baby is also excited and awake, the construction is still going on, and this is around the time that Bill has to take his mask off and starts to snore. Around 10, I give up in sleeping and get up. But really, I hadn't been sleeping since around 5.
As soon as Bill leaves for work at 1, I'm already exhausted. I generally eat whatever I made him for lunch (I make double so it's my lunch as well as his) and about an hour later i'm in need of a nap already. Ironically, I feel the need to clean at this time, so when I nap instead, I generally wake up and feel out of it and sluggish, and it's getting dark which makes my motivation to clean much harder to find. It feels like my brain and my body are at work with each other every day, and I'm really hoping my body starts pulling it's own weight. I know it has a baby to tend to, but I also need to be getting some of the energy as well!
I'm hoping to get up early tomorrow to go to the health food store and pick up more vitamins. Hopefully they'll help in some way.
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