Tis the Season...(9w, 5d)

I'm getting super excited for Christmas!

We're planning on picking up our tree this weekend and other Christmas decorations. We don't have anything Christmas-y ourselves yet since this is our first Christmas in our house, but I'm hoping to be able to do up the house and outside nicely. So far the only thing Christmasy in the house is our new piano, which has a wreath that my grandmother gave us.  There's sure to be lots of decorated house pictures coming in the future!

 I'm also excited for AFTER Christmas! I can't wait for all of the sales to happen at the baby stores. We're planning on picking up our crib, diaper changer and maybe a glider or play pen right away depending on how good the sales are.

 I've been searching for which designs of cribs and such that I want to get, and though I still don't know if light or dark wood for everything would be best (I'd like all of the wood in the room to match; crib, diaper changer, glider, etc. I'm leaning towards light now) I have some ideas of what I want. We're planning on only getting one set of big ticket baby things to use for all of our children, so buying these things are a pretty big deal - this is what's going to be in the nursery for YEARS! It'll be the most permanent parts of this house.

Crib:

Diaper Changer:

 Glider:

Pack & Play: (notice the teddy bears!)

I can't wait to fill up the nursery. Right now it's pretty bare and the only furniture that's in it is a dresser that's filled with my clothing and books, so despite the teddy bears all over, it still doesn't look very much like a nursery. Once it has a crib, glider and diaper changer in it, I think it'll be my favorite room to be in!

 There's also muddy paw prints all over the carpet, thanks to lots of rain and a naughty puppy. I have to figure out how to remove stains from it - so far we tried shampooing the carpet and it hasn't helped much. I'm thinking of going to Petco this weekend and see if they have anything to help with pet spots. 

9 weeks, 4 days

My morning sickness is no longer 24/7! Sure, when I am sick it's worse than usual and results in throwing up, but it's no longer all day! I'm pretty excited about that. I couldn't imagine ever feeling better from this first trimester stuff. I just got used to it over the last almost 6 weeks, and now it feels like I'm finally breaking through it as I'm closing in on 10 weeks.

 Speaking of which, I'm almost out of the first trimester, which I'm super happy about. I think I'll throw a little party when I hit 12 weeks, because I've had my sights set on that week for so long as my goal line. I can't wait to be in my second trimester and feel all of the symptoms start falling away.

 I got my first pair of maternity pants over the weekend. They're so comfortable!! I got them on sale from Walmart and they fit comfortably and have so much room in them - something I'm no longer used to! I think I have three pants (two of which are pjs!) that still fit me around my hips and waist. Not sure how everything is expanding, since I don't *see* it expanding and I've only gained about two pounds since getting pregnant (even that I'm not sure about, since I hadn't weighed myself for a month or so before getting pregnant).

 I'm debating on going to the hospital next month for the defect testing for Baby. Basically, the doctor's office accidently scheduled me for it and said I could cancel it if I didn't want it. I haven't cancelled it yet because I wanted to go to see Baby at 13 weeks on a good ultrasound machine. But my doctor said they take bloodwork, which I really hate getting, especially at that hospital since the nurses there are very incompetant in that area. I need to get my normal pregnancy blood tests done this week, which is why I don't want more taken that isn't mandatory. But I think I'll regret not seeing baby at 13 weeks, so I guess I'll end up just sucking it up.

 Christmas is really helping to keep me calm and give me something to focus on. This is our first Christmas in our home, so it's a big deal for me. I can't wait to see how the whole house glows from Christmas spirit. We're planning on getting our tree this weekend to set up, and a few decorations to kick start the season. I keep seeing a bunch of ordiments about Baby's First Christmas, which makes me anxious for next year's.

9w, 1d

I'm one day late, due to a busy Thanksgiving day. I'm now 9 weeks and one day, and at least mentally feeling good, despite stil being the same amount of sickness.

 Here's some belly pictures:

And despite the fact that we saw our first snow yesterday morning (a lovely surprise to wake up to on Thanksgiving!) we've been experiencing some warm weather lately. DH and I took Sophie outside to play and take pictures in the leaves:

First peek at Baby!

Today we got to say hello to baby! The doctor said everything looked perfect, exactly on schedule and we're both looking healthy. Here's our picture: (won't let me do it the correct side)

  

I was so happy to see Baby! As soon as I saw the image, it kinda hit me like "wow, there's really a baby in there! I'm not just throwing up for no reason!" It began to really feel real.

First Ultrasound!

The day is finally here! I'm all showered and ready to head out the door as soon as it hits 2 PM. I'll be updating later with info and pictures. Wish me and little bean luck!

8w, 5d - Ultrasound Tomorrow!

MY ULTRASOUND IS TOMORROW!!!

 (in case you can't tell, I'm jumping out of my seat in excitement).

 I had my medical history/pregnancy information call today with the doctor's assistant and went over everything from my history with cancer to me being correct about the due date should be June 30th according to dates. So now I'm all ready for tomorrow's appointment at 3:15.

 My stomach is all jittery just thinking about it. I'm excited and nervous and jumpy! I can't wait to see that everything is okay and to see our baby. DH took off work for the day to take me, so it'll be special to see our baby for the first time together!  I'm so on edge that I'm sure I'm going to be stupidly crying in front of the doctor as soon as the baby shows up and I hear the heartbeat!

 I have a feeling I won't be sleeping tonight - or I'll be waking up really early to get a shower and then sit and wait! It's the one time I wish my doctor appointment was early morning instead of so late in the day! I'll be a mess tomorrow. Another reason why 3 PM is bad is because morning sickness really kicks in at that time, as does exhaustion. So, the combo at the doctor's should be interesting. Hopefully no one wears perfume so I won't be dry heaving (or worse!) in the waiting room!

 I'm so glad to finally get to go there and sit among all the pregnant women and be apart of them! When I had cancer, I was always surrounded by pregnant women and I'd be the only one there with something depressing inside my body instead of a little miracle growing like the others. I love that I'm finally apart of them! I get to be there and smile in excitement with my husband next to me instead of being jittery in fear! I'm so eager to finally turn that doctor's office into a positive experience instead of one in fear!

8w, 4d

I've been so sick today.

DH made eggs and bacon for us this morning, but the bacon smell has yet to leave the house! It's making me so sick. It's filled the two bottom floors of the house and any time I go down there, I either spend the whole time retching or throwing up. Anything with any kind of smell sets me off today. My stomach hurts from all the gagging I've been doing. So far, besides the little eggs and bacon I could eat this morning, I managed a few pieces of toast and two big bowls of plain rice, which is starting to make me feel worse instead of better.

 My dog isn't making it any better. Sophie has lately taken to wanting me to go all the way downstairs (from our spot in the attic living room) just to watch her eat! She acts like she has to go potty, and instead just wants company while she dines. This doesn't go over well with me, who has to have a something over nose and mouth just to prevent compulsion puking while down there.

 I'm really looking forward to second trimester. I've been sick all day every day for so long that I think I actually forgot what it's like to NOT be sick. I can't imagine not feeling like this anymore, but I sure want to feel normal again. First trimester has been pretty rough on me - I'm so ready for these symptoms to taper off in the next few weeks and make way for an easier second trimester.

 My ultrasound is in two days and I've been clinging to that thought. While throwing up, gagging, or just feeling like I can't stand this marathon 5 week sickness anymore, I keep thinking about seeing Baby and hearing the heartbeat. I think I'll at least feel mentally better when I see everything being okay. I'm so eager to see.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to knit the baby quilt. I finished the first pink patch and now I'm almost finished with the blue patch. Knitting seems to help me a bit through the sickness.

Food Cravings; 8w, 1d

It seems like all I can dream about is food lately! Yes, all day and most of the night I'm very sick, but that doesn't stop my brain to constantly be thinking about yummy food it wants my stomach to be filled with!

 So far, I've had amazingly vivid dreams about:

 Bojangles chicken (ugh, I SO want this now since this was last night's dream)
 Bojangles' biscuits, mashed potatoes with beef gravy and corn (same dream as above)

 cheese steak
 mini chocolate donuts
 Egg McMuffins
 Steak, Egg and cheese bagel sandwiches
 taco bell bean burritos soaked in mild sauce
 regular mashed potatoes buried in sweet corn
 pulled turkey bathed in gravy
 tuna fish subs
 tacos
 chicken parmasan
 Chik Fil A regular sandwiches with lots of pickles
 McDonald's Filet O Fish overflowing with tarter sauce
 Wendy's Chicken bacon sandwiches
 chicken bacon salads
 cheese. I love cheese
 white toast with melted butter
 almost anything with salt
chinese food (multiple nights' dreams)
 Subway chicken BLT
 Lou Ees (local pizza place that makes heavenly pizza crust)

 And this is only in the last five weeks! I suppose it could be worse, seeing that I hear a lot of women have been having nightmares in the first trimester. I'm just plagued with the overwhelming need of immediately going out and buying whatever food I just dreamt of. lol!

 Meanwhile, baby is now the size of a raspberry (aww) and is moving around a lot according to the charts. I'm super anxious to be able to see baby in just five days! Maybe we can even celebrate by picking up Bojangles chicken....

 Also, since I've been growing out of my last two pairs of pants, I ordered some on sale french terry cloth lounge maternity pants. I was going to buy a couple pairs of bigger sweatpants, but since maternity was cheaper, I figured might as well! Can't wait until my legs are warmer (one of the pants I'm wearing that fit are capris - which means my calves are cold!) and my stomach can be more relaxed without having to keep my pants unbuttoned and half zipped!

Eight Weeks!

Another week! I'm beginning to feel pretty good about the pregnancy. Eight weeks feels like a milestone for some reason. It's not as secure as 12 weeks, but it sure feels like something.

 Morning sickness is still increasing and not letting up. I stopped sleeping at night because I'm plagued with sickness all night, and when I'm not, I'm woken up two or three times a night to pee - by the time I get back to bed, I feel sick again!

 I'm having lots of aches and pains low in my stomach, but they're not much different than they've been since day one. I have period like crampiness (not quite as bad as my period, since I used to have terrible cramps that had me crying on the floor!) but still painful. I have some stabbing pain low on both sides. I'm not exactly sure what's causing them, but since I have scars low on both sides, I wonder if that's not affecting it.

 My skin is starting to get itchy - majorly around the scars. I'm adding extra lotion to my skin to make it less itchy and easier to stretch a bit.

 I'm growing out of my sweatpants now. I have some huge pajamas that are about three times the size of my body that I'm still fitting in, but that's about it. Seeing that they have very large, embarrassing pictures of food and such, I can't wear them in public so I have a bit of a hard time now. I'm wearing my extra big jeans right now.

 I've also managed to grow out of all of my bras. My breasts look cut in half because they're pushing over the top of the bra cups. The bra is stretched as much as it can go - in fact, the one strap on the only bra I can currently wear is actually torn down to the last stitch because my breasts are so heavy right now. I'm excited to get new bras and a few new sweatpants next week after my scan. This growth is making my shirts shrink - most of my normal shirts are turning into belly shirts because of the extra on top stretching them further.

 Speaking of my scan, it's in 6 days. I'm super excited, though I'm nervous too. I have a whole list of questions for my doctors (mainly about the pains) and can't wait to feel secure about the pregnancy. I think as soon as I hear the heartbeat, I'll feel so much better.

 Belly looks about the same as last week, but for the sake of it, here's pictures of me at 8 weeks:
(as you'll notice, I can no longer button my pants!)

Hello, 7 weeks!

7 weeks and little baby is the size of a blueberry (twice the size of last week)!

My first ultrasound is in 13 days - couldn't be more anxious to go! I'm also scheduled for a second ultrasound at the hospital to get the baby checked out for any problems on December 20th - when I'm 13 weeks.

 Every day I really do get sicker, (I couldn't for the life of me eat my leftover chinese food that I had dreamt of for two weeks - that alone made me tear up!) among other things. This morning I went to take the dog outside, took two steps and my leg nearly gave out. That sciatic nerve thing is going to be a big issue, I can already tell. And it happens so unexpectedly but slow to go away.

 Had a bit of a disappointment today. I entered a pregnancy script into an annuel script contest at my college and found out for the first time, I didn't get in. I was a bit disappointed - it would have been nice to do it one last time, but I took it much better than I expected to. Instead of being all hormonal and upset (as I react to most things) I was still too busy thinking that my little baby is seven weeks old and I'm going to see the baby in less than two weeks - and I was too excited for those things to get too down about the script. I does make me want to try harder to get more of my stuff published, especially since I haven't tried very hard at all yet (a few entries in journals, a script each year in school - that's it)

I'm also growing out of my last good bra. The tight sport bras haven't fit me for about two weeks, and now my last good one had to be put on the last hook for me to breathe in it.

 Here's some new pictures of 7 weeks:

6 weeks, 4 days

Wow, for the first time I've been so tired that I couldn't remember for the life of me how far along I was - I had to go check! I'm three days away from 7 weeks - wow does time go fast. It really feels like just last week I was waiting to see if my period would be late.

 I've been getting sicker and sicker by the day - literally. Every day I wake up and I feel it a bit worse each time. Today I have a terrible headache, and since we were driving for three hours this morning, the morning sickness was kicking my butt.

 Late last night, around 1 - 2 AM, Dh and I were watching the movie Nine Months (with Hugh Grant) and they were talking about cravings....suddenly I got the worst craving for a McDonald's Egg McMuffin! I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't concentrate on the movie. Nothing in the house would suffice. I begged DH to go get me one, but he looked a little helpless. Afterall, they only sell them from 7am - 11am. A bit hard to get your hands on one at 2 AM! Thankfully, since we were hitting the road this morning anyway, he drove me up to McDonalds first thing to satisfy that craving. I feel much better now and can go on to eat a salad. lol

 The sciatic nerves in my back are striking me now. I couldn't walk for a good twenty minutes yesterday from it coursing down my leg. A new symptom - one that isn't fun at all and won't go away after the first trimester!

 My stomach is getting big. I know people on my baby boards say that it's just food, though it's hard to believe because I used to have the flattest belly just a few weeks ago - I couldn't puff it up no matter how much food I ate. I'm eating much less now and my stomach is bloating a lot - must be everything rearranging and expanding.

 I realized that I never put up my original 4 weeks picture, where my stomach looks like normal. Here it is, me at 4 weeks:

Here is last Thursday, at 6 weeks:

Quite a bit different! I'm really excited for the ultrasound - can't wait to see baby! Two and a half more weeks!

6 weeks!

I'm six weeks today! I'm pleased to say that this last week went pretty fast. Can't wait to reach 7!

I finally got ahold of my doctor today. Seems like there was a bunch of miscommunication within the office, so I'm really glad I called again, though I was feeling pretty foolish! I always got the same receptionist every time I called to check up, so I felt pretty bad to keep nagging at her. But I was granted for an early first check up and ultrasound on Wednesday, November 24th at 3:15. The day before Thanksgiving! What a great little gift to have for the holiday! I'm so excited to see that everything is okay and to ease my fears. I'm eager to hear the little heart beat! I'll be almost 9 weeks by then.

I'm very sick today. Seems like I can't get near food or even stand up without gagging or worse. I'm also very tired - I fell asleep earlier sitting up on the sofa! Six weeks seems to be hitting me pretty hard.

My snoogle pregnancy pillow has been working wonderfully. Instead of rolling back and forth so much that the sheets of the bed come off and bunch around me, I'm now sleeping soundly through the night. It's great to cuddle into. Which is good, since I need a lot of sleep lately!

Just took my 6 week belly pictures. Definitely have a bloated belly - I can barely fit into any of my normal jeans anymore!

5 weeks. 6 days

Feeling a bit discouraged....

I decided today that since I needed to be out and about anyway to get my ring inspected for insurance reasons, that I could make an extra trip to the doctors since it was only about fifteen minutes from the ring store.

I waited until after their lunch time, then went down. It was a little after two and I had rehearsed exactly what to say so that they'd get my an appointment right then. I felt pretty good - all this stress over my doctor would be over with.

 I went to the door, and it was locked! I knocked and waited and no answer. There were three cars parked in the lot, so I figured there must have been someone in. I checked the times on the door that said they should be in by now. I even called every other day at 1:30 and there was always someone answering the phone. Not today.

 I couldn't believe it! It's like I'm thrawted at every attempt. Why can't I get an appointment? Isn't that supposed to be the EASY part of pregnancy?

 I'm giving it one last chance. Today I'm going to leave a message after hours, which should mean that the doctor has to give me a phone call back. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow at closing, I'm looking for a new doctor. That really saddens me, but I can't take risks just because I wanted to go with the doctor I'm familiar with. So...here's hoping I hear from him by tomorrow.

 My stomach is giving me a lot of pain. This morning/early afternoon I felt too sick to really eat more than a few crackers. By about 3 PM, I was starving so I ate two sandwiches with a side of sliced pickles and a milkshake. Now I'm really paying for it - because my stomach feels SO overly full and bloated that I can't bend down and it just aches. I'm sure this is why they say to each small meals, but I have so few openings when I don't feel sick that I try to quench my hunger whenever I can. It's very difficult to balance this sickness and hunger. Well, only about six weeks to go, hopefully...

On the bright side, since yes, I do have a bright side, I got a new adorable teddy bear figurine for my nursery. I collect Young Inc. bears that are about 10'' and so cute. I went to the goodwill and stared at another one today, which was a Halloween one inside of a pumpkin, high on a shelf that all of the employees refused to let me have and wouldn't tell me when they'd be clearing their display shelves.

But at least I came home to a cute little package of this little teddy I ordered for really cheap off of ebay:

5 weeks, 5 days.

Down day. Doctor still hasn't called me back, had a lot of stressful stuff going on, pulled a muscle in my thigh while getting my jeans on today and my pup has been a little terror.

 Heard about Lily Allen today, which was upsetting. I remember being sad hearing of her first miscarriage. This time I'm pregnant and hormonal - and she was six months pregnant when it happened. That's so scary - going so far into the pregnancy and it still happening. It gave me tears and chills. There's so many scary things that go along with pregnancy. =(

Besides that, I didn't feel too sick today. I've been very tired but couldn't nap - which means I'll feel like I was run over by a train in about an hour. Having a lot of trouble getting around since I pulled my muscle so I hope that goes away. My stomach has been all twisted and crampy - hoping all is fine. It seems normal enough.

 In all the pregnancy rush and my muddled pregnancy brain, I forgot all about taking my ring to the jewler's and getting it cleaned/inspected. It was supposed to be done in October - I'm wondering if I can beg them to write it off as still October. I'd hate the lose my lifetime warrenty on it.

 Meanwhile, the doctor thing is causing me a lot of stress. I'm starting to get emotional about it now. I'm really worried about the idea of an eptopic, or anything going wrong with this pregnancy. I'm so scared that if something goes wrong, it'll kill my last chance to have children. I really want to make sure all is okay and get it checked out - I don't think I can rest easily until then. I've been so happy to have a baby - I can't imagine never being able to have other children if something went wrong. It would kill me.

 I'm calling again tomorrow (hopefully I can keep my emotions in check) and try to get through. At this point, I'm debating switching doctors. I can't risk this happening every single time I have a concern or need to be seen during my pregnancy. I really don't like the idea of changing doctors, but I also really don't like this added stress of not being able to get ahold on him.

5 weeks, 4 days.

Waiting for the doctor to call is agonizing.

It doesn't help that I'm scared to death to talk to him. Sure, I trust him with my life, but he's the doctor that discovered my tumor, my cancer and we've had a lot of bad and awkward chats on the phone together. So waiting to discuss getting an earlier pregnancy appointment due to so much soreness in my stomach and wanting to make sure there's no risk of an eptopic pregnancy due to my one ovary and tube makes me sorta on edge. It was bad enough to wait all of Friday. Then I called back today and been waiting for an hour and a half so far. He was supposed to call me right away after he was finished talking to his last patient.

 I'm nervous. And sleepy. My eyes keep closing but I have to stay awake to answer the phone whenever he decides to call me. I just need a long nap.

 There's so much worry going on during the first trimester, with everything being new and unknown. I hope it gets easier in the second trimester!

 EDIT: I called back at 4 PM. Apparently my doctor was really busy, but I was told my chart was on the top of his stack so I'd get a call tomorrow. Hopefully.