Today I woke up in a bit of a panic for some reason. It may be from not sleeping well for the last few days (can't get used to the new sleeping positions) or maybe just from hormones, or just going crazy from all the migraines that I've been getting and how they last all.day.long. most days.
It occured to me that I'm only two days away from being 15 weeks, which is 5 weeks away from being half way through my pregnancy already. And something in me started to flip out that nothing was set up in the nursery or even bought yet, I didn't have a layout where everything should go, we don't have as much money in the baby fund as we thought we would by now, and I'm hardly anywhere in the baby blanket I've been knitting before I even became pregnant!
This made me jump out of bed and plop down in the middle of my nursery with a big drawing pad and pencil and frantically sketch out where everything should go. Since I didn't consult my list of things we're planning on getting baby, I left out things like the glider from the sketch, which I have no idea where it will go. Suddenly the big room feels very small when I think of putting in a crib, diaper changer, dresser, glider and all the baby needs.
After this, I dumped out my baby fund and counted it three times to make sure I had the correct amount, then called in my DH and started making a plan to start buying what we could in the next two weeks, and building up the fund more starting next week. I also assigned him the task of moving the giant dresser out of the nursery and somehow getting it to the basement this week. Right now it's packed with books, so I'll have to find new places for them to go this week.
I'm sure this would sound crazy to anyone else. I've heard so many women say that they won't even start shopping for the nursery or baby until third trimester, or almost until the baby is here. I can't do that. I want to go buy my diaper bag now, and find a hospital bag to pack awhile. I want things to get done this trimester, before I become huge and it gets much harder to do anything. I want to feel "ready" as soon as possible.
I'm also having mini freak outs about labor. Dh keeps telling me to stop thinking so negatively because it'll be worse if I'm completely dreading it and freaking out about it all pregnancy. I understand that he may have a point, however he's not facing pushing something giant out of something so small, so it's a bit hard to take his advice. I tried to make a labor plan to feel more settled, but I'm still contemplating different things and really, none of the plans make me feel better. I keep hearing the "what the hell did I do to myself" voice whenever I think of going through labor! I want the baby, but I really don't want to go through the delivery.
I'm finally starting to feel better for 2 - 3 hours at a time each day, which I've been using to fix up the kitchen (all of our dishes have been dirty in the sink, and it drives both me and DH crazy - but I couldn't face the sink without throwing up before) and slowly going through other rooms. Yep, the Christmas decorations are still up, and no, I don't know when they're going to even start coming down. I keep staring at them and thinking "maybe today?" and then I see just how much is up and I change my mind! But really, it makes the house look nice, so I'm more focused on the stuff that makes me house look terrible and dirty.
We stopped having anyone wear shoes over our carpets so I can get them really clean, but I can't figure out how to make Sophie stop getting her muddy paws on them. Well, they're not really muddy, which may be the issue. There's just dirt on and around her paws. She's always in and out, and there's no way I can hold her still long enough every single time to wipe off her paws, let alone be able to bend over that much for much longer. But I'm getting frustrated because just when the carpet is looking perfect, she comes running in and then there are distinct paw prints all through it. Since the nursery is a walkway that needs to be gone through to go to our living room attic, we can't just keep her out of it.
I'm still feeling exhausted all the time, still throwing up and still getting very dizzy all the time. Migraines are a new symptom, which happen most days for hours and hours. I'm hoping my body gets out of the middle of first trimester and catches up with the baby in second trimester to give me a break. I'm ready to have energy, and to be able to cook big meals again. I made creamy chicken and mushrooms, spinach and au gratin potatoes the other night for dinner, the first homemade not frozen meal we've had in a long time, and even that I needed Dh to prepare the chicken for me because I was too queezy to. I can't wait to start doing things myself again!
I knew panic would set in soon, I had it around this time too whenever I was pregnant.
ReplyDeleteCan you belive you are already "two weeks" into the second trimester ? It goes so very fast, I told you so ! You only have 10 weeks left until you are in the "third trimester" and reach real panic mode otherwise known as "Defcon Charlie". Those 10 weeks will go super quick, in fact, they will be here by March 24th, which is so soon, especially since it is only two weeks after my birthday !
My biggest concern in mid pregnancy always would be "what if the baby came early" and I had nothing, nothing at all prepared. No clothing, no crib, no diapers anything and then I had to recover from labor/delivery and have a newborn baby with nothing to dress them in or put them in to sleep. I would never have been able to just "wait until near the end of pregnancy" to get everything I needed together and prepared.
That worry made me in panic mode by the beginning of second trimester with each baby and that is why I started digging out all the old baby clothes, going through them, discarding the really worn ones and washing them all up and putting them freshly laundered into a clean tote, ready "just in case".
I also stocked up on things like diapers, soaps, ointments, baby supplies, baby wipes and pads for me.
These are things husband have a hard time shopping for on their own if they are not used to purchasing them, especially when there is like 30 different kinds of every brand of diaper, and you are at a loss on which one "your" baby needs. And you are the mommy, imagine being the daddy and trying to figure it all out.
My advice, shop early, "just in case" and prepare yourself ahead of time. I find when I am prepared for anything, I am always less stressed.
Oh and for Sophie, get a small wash tub (the square ones you wash dishes in at Walmart for $1.00) and put in some soapy water and a towel on floor. Teach her when she comes in to put her paws into the tub each time and she will train herself to do it within a short amount of time. She will enjoy it and she will do it on her own accord within a week or so. I taught Pebbles to do this when we lived in the apartments, so she didn't drag mud through the house which all my babysitting clients would see.
Oh and the headache thingy, yeah, migraines caused by hormones in pregnancy. I always got them mid pregnancy too. Forgot to tell you that one. I had blinding headaches, I saw spots, I would practicaly feel lightheaded and black out and had to sit down, I had some vomiting/naseau and the light killed me too. It is just hormonal though, you will get through them, they were always worse with my girl babies. Drink lots of water and rest, that helps the most. Keep hydrated, each trimester brings it's own little "troubles" and changes and your body will adapt to the different ones. Chin up, it will make you stronger in the end !
I didn't remember that panic happening. It doesn't even seem normal. Most people don't feel the need to buy anything until so late in the pregnancy. I've felt the itch to pack a hospital bag for weeks now!
ReplyDeleteRight after typing this, I got really energetic and felt like I really needed to clean. I got a lot done and the house finally looks a bit better, and I'm still feeling wide awake, even after working three hours just on dishes and pots! I did crash for about a half hour, but then I was wide awake again. I usually take 1-2 hour naps and feel exhausted after, so today felt much better. I'm really hoping I get more days like today.
For some reason, the headaches are the worst at night time. I've stayed away from my phone and computer all day to see if that made a difference but it didn't. I feel one starting now, even though it stayed away most of the day.
It may not seem normal, but it is! A couple girls at work that had babies recently said they hit that panic around the same time their docs put them on maternity leave. One of them went on leave about 5 weeks early bc of pre-eclampsia, and she immediately felt the need to wash everything, have her bag packed, and stocked up on food, bottles, and deodorant (?!). She lived with her parents at the time, and had this panic that something would happen that she couldn't take care of Caleb, and she didn't want them to have to support her as much as they would if she didn't do that. It was pretty crazy.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of things passed down from mothers, I'm really hoping the worst thing my mom passed down to me is the sciatica - she had it really bad with Joe cuz he kept laying on the nerve, and no matter how many times Dr C. flipped or moved him, he went right back to it by the time they got home!
Hopefully you're feeling even better today! *fingers crossed*