Last night I was miserable to the point of tears. Netflix decided not to work, and so did my computer so I was just sitting blankly on the sofa, not tired enough to go to sleep and having nothing to take the focus off of my back, which will not stop hurting no matter what I do. (I've tried every position, frequent icing, doing things on the exercise ball, but this little girl is so very stubborn!) So as a result, I sat there and felt miserable and didn't want anyone to talk to me or touch me, because I was busy being uncomfortable and hurting and was quite confident that no matter what was tried, it wouldn't work, since we've tried everything for days with no relief. This grumpiness wasn't helped by being worried later that night, because I could feel the baby's hiccups up higher, and when she moves I feel her pushing out on both sides of my stomach. Yet I also feel her low down in my pelvic area too. I'm afraid she might be transverse....or an octopus. Though when I woke up early this morning, she had hiccups right where she usually does, and where the midwife said I should feel them so hopefully she's still head down.
I honestly feel quite grumpy most of the day lately, but today I've really been trying to get out of that. On my baby board where the women are all due the same time as me, a woman had her baby premature due to placenta abruption and was told the baby is slowly dying and won't last much longer. It's heartbreaking, and makes me feel terrible for being so miserable with my healthy pregnancy. Today all the women on the board, from all around the world, lit candles at the same time in honor of the baby as we prayed over them.
These were my candles, one lit for the baby and one lit for the momma:
Besides that, I've given up waiting for my nesting instinct to kick in. I know it usually happens within a few weeks of labor, but I don't want to wait that long and the house is a mess and definitely not ready for Katie to move into (despite all of her things and her room looking completely spotless and all ready). So even with my body aching, the baby being super active, and me having no drive at all to do anything, I'm challenging myself to get the house in shape this week. I started yesterday and got quite a few things done. Today is day two and well...I'm already struggling. I'm taking pictures to document each day to try to motivate me in wanting to see the difference each day. I bought some Snickers bars, which I've been craving for weeks since someone left a wrapper from one in the house, as little nighttime rewards, but I ate them all today before doing anything....so that didn't quite work out!
I also need to figure out an outfit, out of the very few outfits that still fit me, to wear this Saturday when I go get my maternity pictures done. Strangely enough, picking out clothes for Bill was easy, but for me I can't think of anything I want to wear that I can still squeeze into. Not to mention, I need more than one outfit because I know on the day when I'm standing in one outfit I chose to wear, I'll suddenly hate it and need another (because this is what always happens, ever since my bump got big.) Unfortunately, my no motivation to do anything has spread into this area as well. Especially when I think that this is the last day for rest - we have something I need to go to every single day this week (including the start of my birthing classes) until next Monday.
Well, I guess I should probably start on those chores...and make sure I blew out those candles since there's a naughty puppy that's missing.
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